My dearest darling children,
Today I have decided to write a short essay on what it means to be a mom. This will be my personal opinion, of course, so it won't make much impact on anyone in my household.
I think I shall approach this in two parts. Part 1 will discuss what I thought it would be like to be a mom before I became a parent of teenagers, and Part 2 will be, well, reality.
Part 1: The Naive Years
I think I shall approach this in two parts. Part 1 will discuss what I thought it would be like to be a mom before I became a parent of teenagers, and Part 2 will be, well, reality.
Part 1: The Naive Years
Being a mom means doing whatever it takes to make my children happy. If that means going back into the kitchen and making macaroni and cheese, even though everything from dinner is already cleaned up and put away, then so be it. Being a mom means that I will always remember to pack school lunches, or ensure that there is plenty of money available in the school account at all times. Being a mom means that I will drive my kids where ever, whenever they need to be at sports, dance, or school functions, even if it means I have to juggle my own schedule. Being a mom means that I will teach my children manners, and that they will learn respect and not ever talk back to an adult. Being a mom means that I will stay awake all night when my children are sick in case they need me to bring a glass of water or some Tylenol. Being a mom means that I will get up at the crack of dawn to make breakfast for my children and see them off to school, and drive them to the bus stop if it is snowing and/or pouring rain. Being a mom means that I am constantly at my children's beck and call, because they are my job. Being a mom means that I will not judge my children's friends, or question what they are doing on the computer or on their cell phones, because I know I can trust them at all times. Being a mom means that when I have to say No, I will explain my reasons and make my children understand without losing my temper.
Part 2: The Teenage Years
Being a mom means that I cannot make my children happy, no matter how hard I try. They will continue to make stupid decisions and I will allow them to suffer the consequences, because I have come to believe that this is the only way they will learn from their mistakes. Being a mom means that I serve meals once. If the kids want dinner, they will eat what I make when I put it on the table, or they will make something themselves, and clean up after themselves. If they do not clean up the kitchen when they are finished making a mess, I reserve the right to pile the dirty dishes upon their beds. Being a mom means that I will no longer pack school lunches, because I have come to realize that whatever I pack ends up in the trash at school, or gets left in the bottom of a backpack all summer long, and is discovered months later when the smell is getting obnoxious. Being a mom should mean, however, that I deposit money into their school account. I really do need to take care of that. Being a mom means that I will routinely drive my children to activities that I pay for, or are related directly to school. It does not mean that I will drive my children to or from a friend's house at any one's convenience but mine. Being a mom does not mean that I will pick my child up from school because she "doesn't LIKE the late bus." And I will hang up on any child who tries to do that again. Just like I did the first time. Being a mom means that, even though I tried desperately to teach my children how to behave properly, I cannot take responsibility for their bad manners. Nor do I have to endure it. Being a mom means that I will discipline my child if he or she speaks to me, or any other adult, in a way that is disrespectful or rude. Being a mom means that when my children are sick, I will offer every cure, medication, and relief known to mankind, but then I am going back to bed. If my children feel well enough to complain, they aren't really sick, and I see no reason to make myself grouchy by depriving myself of sleep. Being a mom means that I will provide my children with alarm clocks so that they can wake themselves up in the morning and get their own breakfast before school. I will, however, continue to drive them to the bus stop during inclement weather. Being a mom means that I will do my best to stay out of the way of my teenagers, because avoidance is the best defense. They need to understand at some point that they are my job, not my life. Being a mom means that I want to meet all of my children's' friends, because I would like to know who they are and if I decide to judge them, that's my prerogative. Being a mom also means that I will stalk my kids' facebook pages on a regular basis, to make sure that they are not up to something they will regret. Being a mom means I will also walk into their rooms unannounced while the computers are on and look at what is on the screen. No, it is NOT an invasion of privacy. When you turn 18 you can pull that crap on me; right now, you're a minor, and in some minute way, you are still my responsibility. And finally, being a mom means that when I say NO, that is the end of the conversation. I am a mom. I am trying to protect you. Do not talk back to me. I WILL lose my temper. I WILL punish you. It's my JOB. When you hear me mumbling incoherently to myself, be assured that I am uttering the Mother's prayer that you will end up with three children who are JUST LIKE YOU, so that you will suffer the way I suffer now.
BUT: Being a mom means that you love your children unconditionally, and I do love you unconditionally, even though sometimes you can destroy a beautiful day just by walking through the door. Being a mom means that I have faith in my heart that all of this will pass, and someday, you will become a decent human being. And that's what it means to be a mom.
~~ dayna l. greskoff
April 19, 2010
Part 2: The Teenage Years
Being a mom means that I cannot make my children happy, no matter how hard I try. They will continue to make stupid decisions and I will allow them to suffer the consequences, because I have come to believe that this is the only way they will learn from their mistakes. Being a mom means that I serve meals once. If the kids want dinner, they will eat what I make when I put it on the table, or they will make something themselves, and clean up after themselves. If they do not clean up the kitchen when they are finished making a mess, I reserve the right to pile the dirty dishes upon their beds. Being a mom means that I will no longer pack school lunches, because I have come to realize that whatever I pack ends up in the trash at school, or gets left in the bottom of a backpack all summer long, and is discovered months later when the smell is getting obnoxious. Being a mom should mean, however, that I deposit money into their school account. I really do need to take care of that. Being a mom means that I will routinely drive my children to activities that I pay for, or are related directly to school. It does not mean that I will drive my children to or from a friend's house at any one's convenience but mine. Being a mom does not mean that I will pick my child up from school because she "doesn't LIKE the late bus." And I will hang up on any child who tries to do that again. Just like I did the first time. Being a mom means that, even though I tried desperately to teach my children how to behave properly, I cannot take responsibility for their bad manners. Nor do I have to endure it. Being a mom means that I will discipline my child if he or she speaks to me, or any other adult, in a way that is disrespectful or rude. Being a mom means that when my children are sick, I will offer every cure, medication, and relief known to mankind, but then I am going back to bed. If my children feel well enough to complain, they aren't really sick, and I see no reason to make myself grouchy by depriving myself of sleep. Being a mom means that I will provide my children with alarm clocks so that they can wake themselves up in the morning and get their own breakfast before school. I will, however, continue to drive them to the bus stop during inclement weather. Being a mom means that I will do my best to stay out of the way of my teenagers, because avoidance is the best defense. They need to understand at some point that they are my job, not my life. Being a mom means that I want to meet all of my children's' friends, because I would like to know who they are and if I decide to judge them, that's my prerogative. Being a mom also means that I will stalk my kids' facebook pages on a regular basis, to make sure that they are not up to something they will regret. Being a mom means I will also walk into their rooms unannounced while the computers are on and look at what is on the screen. No, it is NOT an invasion of privacy. When you turn 18 you can pull that crap on me; right now, you're a minor, and in some minute way, you are still my responsibility. And finally, being a mom means that when I say NO, that is the end of the conversation. I am a mom. I am trying to protect you. Do not talk back to me. I WILL lose my temper. I WILL punish you. It's my JOB. When you hear me mumbling incoherently to myself, be assured that I am uttering the Mother's prayer that you will end up with three children who are JUST LIKE YOU, so that you will suffer the way I suffer now.
BUT: Being a mom means that you love your children unconditionally, and I do love you unconditionally, even though sometimes you can destroy a beautiful day just by walking through the door. Being a mom means that I have faith in my heart that all of this will pass, and someday, you will become a decent human being. And that's what it means to be a mom.
~~ dayna l. greskoff
April 19, 2010
