I have been feeling so much stress lately. Sleep is my best friend these days, when I can get it. I have resorted to taking Benadryl at bedtime just so I can sleep through the night. Can you become addicted to Benadryl? hmmm...
My parents have been away for weeks, since Father's Day, and I miss my mom. (Dad, too, but I usually talk to mom every day.) Mom called yesterday to say that they had crossed the Canadian border into Maine, so she has phone service again. She said they might be home as early as Tuesday, but they were taking their time. At least I can talk to her on the phone again.
My foot has been getting progressively worse, because I don't stay off of it at all. What may have started as a slight stress fracture is, I'm sure, a more serious stress fracture now. I still don't know how I injured it; could be from jumping off the stage at Bunnyland, could be just from tap dancing. I don't know. I just know that it's been a nagging ache since April, and now it just plain hurts. The crutches have been no help at all because we live in a split level house, I work at two very "hilly" swim clubs, and getting in and out of the car with them is a hassle. So I limp instead. I go to the doctor again today to find out the results of the MRI. I don't know what it could possibly have picked up that the bone scan didn't already miss...because the bone scan showed nothing. This is so frustrating. The painkillers the dr. prescribed don't work very well, so I rely on aspirin. But that doesn't help my disposition.
My job has been a constant source of frustration for me since May. What should have been a pretty simple management position has turned into a scheduling nightmare. I find that I am always on call, day or night, because employees are e-mailing me, facebooking me, or calling/texting my phone with their requests for time off. I have started leaving my phone off, or letting the battery die, just so I can get some peace. A lot of these kids want to get paid without doing anything. It's so hard for me to be a "mean" manager, but I stood there yesterday and watched one of my employees working on arts and crafts while she stood behind the counter, while there were customers waiting. I'm guessing that next week she'll be wondering why she doesn't have more hours. They don't understand that, even though it may just be a little pool snack bar, it is still a customer-service oriented job.
This Friday is Adult Caribbean Night at Hidden Hollow. I had the menu all figured out: Hawiaan Chicken with a sweet and sour glaze, rice, roasted vegetables, tortilla chips, fruit...and then Sue decided that she wanted finger foods instead. So it's Monday, and I have four days to come up with a new menu. Joy.
And Saturday, Michael has invited his whole family over for the day to swim and have dinner to celebrate his sister Kathy's birthday. Of course, I won't be here, I have to work, because 11 people have requested off that day. And the house looks like it always looks: a complete disaster.
Add to this the stray cat we took in last week, the insane dog that won't stop barking at everybody, the teenage daughter who just broke her cell phone and is mourning the death of her favorite pet rat, the teenage son who wants to get a job but still sleeps til noon, and a husband who has been laid off since November of last year...and it isn't hard to figure out why my back and neck are in knots, and my stomach is upset all the time. Summer vacation. Right.
What's the worst thing to me, though, is that I feel like all I do is complain. I hate that. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the laid back, everything rolls off my shoulders person, who can just laugh at the adversity and walk away smiling. I think that's what a teenager is: no cares, no responsibilities, no worries. But I'm not a teenager anymore. I want to fix everything, and I set my expectations so high that I constantly get disappointed. Even though I try to delegate, I still end up doing so much more than I should. I wonder sometimes if in trying to make everything go smoothly at work that I have taken on too much, and that has resulted in all this pain. I just keep hurting myself. Not just physically, either.
I can't wait until Labor Day. I need to refresh. I have been neglecting my family, and my house, and my puppy dog, and that makes me feel rotten, too. So here I am, at the beginning of another week, contemplating the mess before me. I need some aspirin. And coffee. d.
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